This picture of Al Pacino as Phil Spector.
Me when I find out that someone else has eaten all the Clif bars
While reporting this piece I read a lot of newspaper and magazine articles about astrology, starting around 1830 and moving forward. Halfway to the present day I realized something about the subject, which is that a) the practice of astrology has not changed over the past two centuries and b) as a result, astrology pieces written in 1830 sound exactly like astrology pieces written in 1980.
Partly this is an issue of tone. Articles about astrology tend to fall into three categories: the lightly sardonic, the rapturously credulous, and the contemptuous. A New York Times column published in the 1920s is a good example of the first category:
To X.Y.X. male, born March 2, 1872: Beware of a woman who claims to be your friend, but who is trying to marry you.
To L.U., female, born Oct 14, 1873: People born under your sign are great orators. Your husband will find that out when he comes home late from the club. You will find your greatest success in baking bread.
(!!!)
A few decades later the practice is taken more seriously by news reporters, if only in the sense that it’s perceived as more of a threat. Pieces treat the subject as less an eccentric pastime to indulge than a sign of general benightedness. In 1975, a band of scientists joined to issue a formal rejection of its validity, which no doubt meant as much to astrologists as Richard Dawkins does to Lutherans…
For my part, I feel about astrology the way I feel about Klout scores and juice fasts and journalism school— unconvinced of its utility but unoffended by its existence. My furtive and moody nature makes me a “classic” Scorpio, although I am also a “classic” Aries (prone to headaches) and a “classic” Pisces (enjoy aquatic activities).
I must be a very complicated woman.
My little brother Ned inspires me daily.
Recently, I realized that Motown hits, like modern pop songs, are extremely formulaic. However, since there were so many fewer synthesizers, effects, and recording tricks available in the Motown era it’s way easier to follow the formula and churn out a Motown instrumental.
I exhausted my library of Motown songs and wrote down the commonalities between my favorite hits. Then, I wrote down the formula, instrument by instrument. Here are a few of the components:
“Basic pop chord progression”
“Twinkly four-bar piano riff with rolling transition”
“Claps on the 1,2,3,4”
“Horn blasts on the ‘one-and’ with syncopated decoration”
“Strings on the chorus”
“Syncopated upright bass riff”
“Intense layering”
Finally, I added the instruments, made up a lighthearted melody, and, lacking vocals, added a few snippets from a ominous 1963 conversation about Vietnam between LBJ and Senator Russell. Voila!
Now I just need a vocalist to sing a set of equally-formulaic Motown lyrics. Any takers?
Greetings from the office. Justin the frontend developer is eating the cutest dinner I’ve ever seen. (L-R: Goldfish crackers, whiskey)
Susan Miller, celebrity astrologer
I wrote a profile of Susan Miller in this week’s issue of New York magazine. Click here to read it.
Things I noticed about my doctor
1. Wafting over the waiting room sound system: “Smooth Operator” (a subtle boast?)
2. Mounted on his office wall: acrylic portrait of a clown
Honored to be a silent foreground blur next to the 4th member of Apollonia 6 in this video.
